Ares and Jupiter – As, Always

Two and one half years. As of August 14th Ares and I blasted past that milestone without as much as a batting of an eyelash. Honestly, it bypassed us in a flurry of harsh words lubricated by our liquid vices, having succumbed to the stress of being homeless and jobless for almost a month. Actually, Ares was scheduled to leave for orientation with US Xpress and the anxiety of him being OTR again, along with being broke, had us both on edge. It didn’t occur to me until he had walked out in a huff that we were two days past our “anniversary” and all we had to show for it was animosity.

Fortunately the job fell through. I saw it as a blessing in disguise since that meant we kinda had to make up because he had to come back in order to formulate secondary plan of action. That plan of action came a week later in the form of a different job offer, another rushed bus trip for orientation, and yet another anxiety filled confrontation that saw rings flying and wits at their end. It had never really been a “calm” relationship to begin with (double fire and fire/water guarantees it never will be either) but this time I was convinced it was time to throw in the towel. After all, there’s only so much stress two people can put themselves over before they break.

It’s amazing what distance can do by way of offering clarity in the midst of adversity. We barely talked for the three days he was away which gave us a fair amount of time to think things through. Neither of us was really ready to call it quits but, under the circumstances, being so close in what seemed like a hopeless situation brought out the worst. Instead of working together we were working to tear one another down because we couldn’t realistically see a way out of the hole we’d dug for ourselves. That’s much easier to see once you’ve had to the space to see beyond the trees and into the forest.

Although we’ve made up and him being OTR has settled in for both of us, we’re still not really out of the woods just yet. There’s still the whole rebuilding of finances to deal with, securing our own place, and learning to stick to our goals for our future. In addition to that, I think Ares and I have to come realize that we brought a lot of baggage into our relationship that has exacerbated our troubles from almost day one. From elements in our childhoods, past relationships, things we failed to deal with as individuals, and substance dependence, we’ve come to the point where we can see how those things needs to be healed in order to make a lasting go at things. It will take some finagling with his work schedule but I’m sure we both agree that counseling is in order, not just for the relationship’s sake, but for our own as well. There comes a time when no matter how much love and desire you possess for your significant other, help is needed to clear the path towards happily ever after.

Two and a half years is a lot of time and energy to just throw away without giving things a real fighting chance. Every relationship has it unpretty moments, but sometimes it takes more than apologies or promises to never do “it” again to see you through those times. I think this is the mark of a committed relationship, and a testament to the vows we gave each other when we decided to exchange rings.

As and Always ,

AngelaMichelle